I was recently reading this post from decoding dress which I found really inspiring. To summarise the article she talks about how scared she was to wear a particular dress, an LBD in fact but how she ended up wearing it, I guess as a social experiment. At least that’s how I interpreted it anyway. I’d definitely encourage you taking a look and if you enjoyed it leaving a comment. This got me thinking about my own experiences and when I’ve anxiety to wear particular things.
I know I like talking about social norms and how they impact what we wear (I’m a Sociology Graduate after all). I promise I’ll be back to the straight up fashion next week. Relating it back to myself I was always scared of what people may think of me, even though I knew in reality no real harm would come from wearing a particular piece of clothing.
The biggest cause of anxiety however is not what the random passer by in the street will think but what your peer group will think. See these are the people that have the biggest influence on you. It’s highly likely that if the random stranger on the train gave you a disapproving glance you wouldn’t pay it much attention. But if one of your friends even hesitates before giving you a nod of approval it can plant that seed of doubt in your mind. Does this really suit me? Shall I put on something else?
I think it’s even more prevalent among women, I know from my own experiences that when it comes to fashion they are heavily influence by their peer group. Example: When I used to sell shoes you’d see ladies time and time again pick up a pair of shoes that they evidently loved. You’d start to talk to them about it…only for their friend to come along and make a negative remark. This would totally crush the dream. There they were teetering on the edge of investing in their first pair of Jimmy Choo’s only for their friend to come over and tell them they looked like something from Topshop. Now it doesn’t matter what I say after that… there is no coming back. Why? because their friend > me when it comes social status in their eyes. It goes back to the days when we lived in tribes, no one wants to upset the status quo and risk being ousted from the tribe.
So what can you do?
Well the first clue is in the title. Feel the fear and wear it anyway. If you like it then rock it with pride. Now if you start to do that people will start to take notice, especially those closest to you. Social pressure is a funny old thing once you crumble under it once then it’s likely to happen again and again. However, once you stand up to it you instantly take control of your life and in this instance your style. In fact that’s how your style grows, when you take risks and when you feel anxious about wearing something because you’re pushing your comfort zone. You have to realise that not everyone will like the clothes that you like, even your best friend. But that shouldn’t stop you wearing something if you genuinely like it. You’ll probably find once you start to do this those around will be encouraged by your attitude and actually start to open their own minds to trying new things. Be a leader, not a follower.
I couldn’t agree more with this post- ultimately we should dress to please ourselves. I get why we fear, after all dignity comes with discretion, however sometimes you just have to say f-it and dress to impress yourself!
Yeah definitely, it does take courage to say f-it though so a applaud anyone that does!
I have a way of dressing that is very different from my family, friends and mostly everyone around me. So I get a lot of “what the heck are you wearing” comments or the “I like it on you but wouldn’t wear it myself” that may mean they still don’t like it but don’t want to offend you. I believe in the “let your freak flag fly” and if you like something that no one else does, still go with it. I think that we deny ourselves so many things by the fear of what others say or think… Sometimes, if you love something A LOT, it may be better to just buy/wear it and not ask someone else about it, because they will surely say it’s not right simply because they are not brave enough to wear it.
Yeah that’s a good point, after all if YOU love it… that’s the most important thing, as you’ll be the one who wears it.
Such an excellent post!
I have a very “dressed up” kind of style. I will wear heels and dresses even on days when I don’t have any plans, which means that I get a lot of weird looks from people, because where I live is super-casual, and it’s rare to see someone wearing anything other than jeans or leggings. I long ago learned to ignore the stares of strangers, and it really doesn’t bother me that they might be thinking something negative about me, but I have found that I will dress down to see friends. It’s not that my friends would say anything, because I know they wouldn’t, but I do find myself worrying that I will be dressed so differently from everyone else that it might make other people feel uncomfortable (I wouldn’t want people to think, “she’s dressed up for this, I should have too” or anything), or make them look down on me. It actually really annoys me about myself, because my friends are the people I should feel MOST able to be myself around, but I can’t seem to get past it!
I do agree with Jessie, though, about not asking. If I have something I really love, I will never ask people what they think of it: as long as I like it, I will try to just enjoy it!
I love the fact you wear dresses and heels when you don’t have plans, more people in general should do this. You can end up sticking out like a sore thumb… but it’s always better to be overdressed than underdressed any day. You always feel better as well when you go all out with your outfit.
Wow…. this is so wonderful and inspiring. I completely suffer from “the fear.” I have been really lucky because I have a wildly supportive husband, who is all about me letting my freak (style) flag fly. So I take risks now that I never would have before him… BUT now that I do, I love my wardrobe so much more…
That’s awesome, also like you said the bonus from fighting the ‘fear’ is you get a new and more versatile wardrobe.
I tend to agree, wear it anyway wear it with pride and confidence. Often, I’ve found that the certain colours that people say wouldn’t actually works for me… Sometimes you have to “Just try it on,” & see for yourself, face the fear! 🙂 -xx
Defo! I’m not big on dictating what colours people should wear as I feel colour is a really personal thing.
Great post dude. One thing I am always anxious about wearing is shorts. I have slender legs and I am kinda self conscious about them. One way of getting around that I found was to to buy a really loud £80 pair of shorts. Having spent so much money on the shorts made sure that I wore them as much as possible. And the only comments I got was on how cool the shorts were not how skinny my chicken legs are.
Yeah good point, you invested so much money in the short that you had no choice but to wear them otherwise you would have lost out.
I have found that if I go with what I love despite what others may think, eventually THEY start being more daring too. My friends and family have felt pressure to step up their fashion game since I started my fashion blog. Not that I have pressured them, just knowing that I blog about it makes them more conscious of their choices. Kinda cool that way. My hubby has raised the quizzical eye at individual pieces I brought home but then loved the way I paired them with other things from my closet.
You just have to take a deep breath and say to yourself, “I love it. I’m wearing it. The world will get over it”
Great post > loved reading all the comments too.
Yeah I love the fact you’ve influenced those around you to be more daring. Thanks I’m glad you enjoyed it :-).
I used to feel timid about wearing my more wild pieces out of the house. For example, I had this hot pink full on tutu-like skirt from ASOS I was completely infatuated with, but was worried I would hear comments and jabs all night from my friends – I did hear some from one friend in particular, but I decided to embrace it. Most comments were to tell me only I could pull something like that off, which I took as a compliment. Now I no longer worry about what others may say and wear the things I love. As long as I feel confident in them, than why worry about any one else! 🙂
xo http://www.ravingfashionista.com
Aw great to hear from you :-). Yeah that’s the key thing to build up your confidence and you can only do that by sticking to your guns.